I shared my reason to love Kpop many times but always with a few close friends. Today I want to say it out loud that no one asks me again ‘Why are you acting so crazy over Kpop?’.
I will start my story from when I was seven. I loved dancing always. The only thing in my life, I was passionate about was ‘DANCE’. I wanted to become a dancer but my life didn’t give me permission. It’s not like someone stopped me from doing what I want. But it was impossible for me to throw away everything and I had no one to encourage me. Eventually, I gave up on dancing.
Kpop made its entry into my life in 2017. I found 2PM ‘Hands up’ while looking for Ok Taecyeon as I was watching K-Drama ‘Fighting Ghost’. The thing I was attracted to most was ‘Choreography’. Obviously I am a dancer so I got attracted to their dance. I started watching more groups like GG, Astro, Twice, Shinee but I never followed them like a fan. I never tried to know more about it. I was too too too far from the inspiration and confidence to start dancing again. It happened after two years from then.
In 2018, I lost my father. The worst part of my life where, the first time I thought about suicide. I wanted to live because I have 3 more members in my family. But it was like I lost the reason. I didn’t know how to go forward. I stopped meeting my friends, going to gatherings, talking to people. I was smiling, laughing but most of the time I didn’t even know what’s the topic. I was trying my best but still was completely empty inside.
2019, on the first death anniversary of my father, I start getting suicidal thoughts again. I wanted to distract myself. The same day, IN2IT was coming to India and I decided to go for their airport welcome. This is when the big change happened. I saw how humble and cute they were with fans which made me smile right away. When they left, I met three girls and became friends. That was my first brightest talk in past one year. I was smiling and laughing because I wanted to. I wasn’t empty anymore.
And that’s it. That is how my real happy journey of K-Pop started. I start going to concerts. I started meeting people, making friends, going to gatherings. I got my smile back because of Kpop.
These days, I even started dancing again. Now I plan to live a long and happy life. I used to say a lot that I will die soon but now I have so many plans before death. I don’t think I will allow God to take my life anytime soon.😄 Now I even give this advice to others. Look in the mirror every morning and say this to yourself ‘I am amazing. Main apni favourite hun. Let’s rock this day’ 🤣
This is why I said, my one word for Kpop is ‘CONFIDENCE’!
Now I’m confident that I can do it. I can dance again. I can smile again. I can be happy again. My Non-Kpop friends call me an idiot, crazy and advised me to stop wasting my time and money over K-Pop. They say that I am acting like a kid.
Now, this is my note for my family and friends: Yes, I am acting like a kid because I want to become that 7 years old Sweta who was the most passionate and happy because of Dance. I want to dance again like that Sweta and I am not going to listen to anyone now. I got my confidence to say ‘No’ and I am never going to lose this confidence again.
I got the reason to be with you guys because of Kpop so please respect my choice. Just how I never ask you to give up on your reasons to live. Please don’t ask me to give up on mine. Because I will lose myself again and you will lose me soon then. Don’t ask me to live an empty, sad life again. Please I request you. Please let me be happy. Let me be ‘Me’ again.